Walking and walking
Thinking on my feet
Anything can happen in the city

But you can’t sit down
Building to building
Sheltering from the sky
Knowing there’s somebody on the street
That could change my life
You can try on anything for free
Pick up anything you need
And I’m wishing you were here with me

Walking on a city street
Window to window
Filling in the hours
Catching my reflection
In a place I’ve never been before

Crossing the bridges
Leap the river wide
Knowing not in time
I’ll arrive on the other side

You can try on anything for free
Pick up anything you need
And I’m wishing you were here with me
Walking on a city street

Last weekend was quite interesting. I attended and volunteered for Lee Wen’s performance art workshop in the Singapore Arts museum. You have no idea how enriching the experience is!

It was a treasure trove of interesting learnings, which was so impactful. We were truly lucky to be around such an iconic artist – someone who has changed the face and tried to put Singapore in the map of modern art.

He tried to share as much as he could, despite having Parkinsons disease. He spoke about the nuances of performance art – about the lyricism of using the body as a means of expression, about the difference of performance art and theatre, about why Americans tend to be quite loud during performances (due to the nature of their understanding of an audience, vs that of spectatorship).

He recalled stories of living in an artist village back in the 80’s, being heavily influenced by Surrealists and the Dada movement – trying to carve out meaning, expressing himself through various changes in society.

Several times through the talk, he referred to other artists from the world over: From Jackson Pollock to that Belgian performance artist who refused to be found inside the museum. He spoke about transformation of the message as expressed through different media (ie photographs).

After the talk, he got the whole group doing some performance exercises to flex their creative muscles. He asked the group to walk carefully, like as though you’re treading ground for the very first time. I found this fascinating – because I really rarely put much thought into walking. We always take these things for granted.

The group was also split into two, then one side went through a mad rush to meet the other – inches away, face to face. They also went outdoors, expressed themselves with the use of a prop – a box. They climbed in, danced with, carried up, the whole box around the doorway. Quite fun!

Incidentally, I also met another Filipino volunteer who shared the same family name as myself. Quite funny to think about it – What are the odds!! Maybe a long lost cousin of sorts. Maybe a stroke of odd luck.

In other news, I’m also profoundly fascinated by the book entitled “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath. She’s an interesting character – known for her poetry and her intense suicide; however, the one and only novel recovered after her death proves that she’s so much more than what you see in the surface. We’ll see how it goes – Right now it’s only unfolding to a rich tapestry of 1960’s/1970’s New York city environment.

I’ve been reading this book by Gretchen Rubin entitled “The Happiness Project”.
Since I’ve heard about the buzz for some time now ( a coupla years) I finally decided to get it on my Kindle and read the full story. I thought, yeah , maybe it’s an interesting read: How one woman’s journey to test various happiness recipes and aim to concoct a formula for her life.

I’m currently mid way – and all I can say is this: There is no f***ing formula. When it comes to happiness, I believe that there are no shortcuts. It is built over time, and people’s versions of happiness highly differ from each individual. I wouldn’t go to the extent that she has : Which is to build happiness commandments, and live life accordingly. It made me feel at times, that it would drive me nuts. It’s kind of having your own internal life coach nagging at you.

What I applaud the author for, however – is her desire to make a conscious effort about all of these things. What I learned is that most of happiness patterns that I’ve gathered from basic psychology books and various research, as well as human insights from Buddhist thought and various faith all eventually intersect. There IS a need to be conscious of our actions and our decisions, to savour, anticipate, and cherish happiness in our lives.

Midway through the book, I feel like most of her themes intersect unknowingly, thereby lacking this formal need for structure. I find myself craving for a narrative; craving for some answers – answers that not even an accomplished mother of 2, from NYC can provide.

Happiness highly differs amongst individuals.

To me, I find myself real happiness when I’m closer to nature, and when I’m stripped off consumerist chains. My friend Jessette & I vowed to shop LESS this 2012 – and though, it’s such a simple resolution, it has given me more inner peace than other resolutions combined. It’s like saying “YEAH, i’m smarter than those people who tried to glamourise and sell me things, because deep down inside, I’m one of you, and I’m not one to stroke your insecurity! ” – This, really, gives me delight.

Happiness is finding really good coffee on a Monday morning. Happiness is having to hold someones hand in a movie theatre. Happiness is traveling to new places. Happiness is …. Taking goofy pictures of tree hugging or kissing statues of things. Happiness is going to the gym and having quiet time to think about the day that has passed (or the day that awaits).

I’m not the happiest person on earth, but surely, I try. And trying is a big part of it.

Mementos and old treasures are a real joy to stumble upon. Sometimes, we change so fast, that we often forget the old selves cooped up somewhere.

Because modern living has changed everything – from old notebooks, to scrapbooks, to collecting plane tickets to save as bookmarks – we often forget who we once were, and what our thoughts were like.

I happened to stumble upon an old notebook, with love letters for later. My idea was to write myself honest, no holds – barred, kick in the butt letters to manage my fears and anxiety. Also, as a reminder to myself for future reference.

What I gained back from this was the realization that I was living a very inspired life before.
Some of the snippets I gained were

• Ritualize gratitude
• Appreciate mistakes
• Open up yourself to possibilities, open yourself up to the universe, so it may roll at ecstasy on your feet
• Letting go is a more enticing thought than holding on.

I don’t know what I was on, or why I wrote these down, but perhaps it was written for good reason: To remind myself, that no matter what stresses come our way, we have lots of things to be thankful for. We do our best, and we let it go.
I think I’m mostly in my “element” when I’m out travelling, when my mind has been exposed to the vastness that this world has to offer. But also when I’m reminded that we just have to do our best in whatever challenges that comes.

On a sidenote, I also stumbled upon this clipping I had of a quote that came from Toni Morrison. Her thoughts about getting inspiration, starting with an image (even if she doesn’t know what to do with it yet) – rekindles my belief in good humanity.And great work.
If Malcolm Gladwell was right, and the 10,000 hour rule applies  to all trades – This definitely resonates as sound truth. Most people would deprive themselves of food and rest just to satiate their hunger for practice.

Gladwell explains that reaching the 10,000-Hour Rule, which he considers the key to success in any field, is simply a matter of practicing a specific task that can be accomplished with 20 hours of work a week for 10 years. He also notes that he himself took exactly 10 years to meet the 10,000-Hour Rule, during his brief tenure at The American Spectator and his more recent job at The Washington Post.[

And I think that is genius – It’s not about being “clever” or immediately smart – but it’s about having the resilience to trudge back on, and clock in your hours.

This post is a reflection after watching a TEDx talk about True Grit – Or the quintessential perseverance learned from most masters of craft.

Here are my thought scribbles from my notepad after viewing it:

• Changing around a lot isn’t going to take you anywhere. Long term goals are important.
• Having perceverance in the face of adversity is important.
• Sustaining passion is integral to cultivating quality.

The psychologist Ms. Duckworth is charming, engaging – and quite intelligent. I like her premise and how she structured her speech to accomodate key factors in intelligence that contribute to major achievements in various fields.

Why am I writing this? Because often, we see that most people interchange the idea of ‘productivity’ with self control. More often than not, if we exercise restraint and discipline, we do generate favourable results in the long term.

Because of this, I was drawn to the idea of focusing – and what it really means to stick it through. What does it mean to live something by the core, and acquire the fierce determination employed by so many people that I admire.

Modern life is difficult and there are too many commitments. At any given point of the day, I am bombarded with information: Emails to check, designs to see, things to make, creditcard bills to think of, relationships to nourish – and to top it off, manage anxiety associated with the future. Sometimes I just want an escape button.

Lately, I’ve also thought about these commitments – Surely, there’s no escaping them, but there has to be a better way of coping with them than incessant bouts with alcohol and whimsy. There has to be a better way to resolve, to nourish my spirit and creativity. And that way, is FOCUS and HARD WORK. DISCIPLINE.

Which brings me back to over 5 years ago, when I had the most coveted title of being the Morning Person. Every day, I would drive to work ( Farther than perhaps, coast to coast of Singapore) and be sipping my coffee at least 20 minutes before I am expected.

Which is not to say that waking up early was the key to solve my problems right now – But what my old self reminds me of is a value I’ve seemed to have lost in the present: Which is to be an avid fan of discipline. To wake up, to finish work, to live inspired.  Finish things that I’ve set to start – and tick them off a list.

For me focusing means loving what you do, and committing your 110%. Shooting for the stars.

For me, dedication is more important than passion – because (arguably) dedication inspires passion, when done right.

“If businessmen drink my blood, like the kids in artschool said they would, then I guess I’ll begin again….”

Jueves.
So this Thursday was a bit special, because of so many reasons. It’s so nice to finally get excited about things again, when things in life starts to accumulate dust of the mundane.

I’ve been so busy these past few weeks, sometimes, without knowing why it has to be the way it is. Work is sometimes like the tides, there’s no explaining why it happens this way, it just does. In a way, I understand how some people would say “Yes, the pressure is good for you!” and admittedly, there has been several instances where I’ve taken criticism in the butt and shown sparks of brilliance on the fly – However, it doesn’t apply all the time.

We all need breaks in between ( a walk, a cupcake, 30 minutes viewing GoogleArtproject to soak in art, or aimlessly wander around the internet for some 9gag memes). All of these things contribute to greater creative value – because all of the things we accomplish consciously or subliminally affects our output.

And yet…

And yet… Even with the most committed creative teams, comes the drill of a reality check: That most ideas won’t really see the light of day. That sometimes clients will never see the world the same way you do. What works for us, may not work because of factors ABC, mostly having to do with constraints – budget, incongruence in vision or just being not intimate enough to get ready for creative change. I remember several times when my partner and myself wish that someone gives us bandaids for our egos when we’ve been shot down.

To put things in perspective, we’ve thought about other professions : How many times have we experienced damaged egos because of mistakes in the pipeline , or things beyond our control? When doctors screw up, they mess with lives – people die. When lawyers screw up, people get incarcerated, and it affect lives tremendously.

Now, don’t get me wrong : This is not about indemnifying people from mistakes. On the contrary, we should acknowledge them and learn from them. It is about stopping a culture of self loathing and self doubt when you have given it your best shot.  Like what’s been said in books: After generating your idea, give it all you’ve got, a final pat on the back, and release it to the real world. Know that you don’t have control over all the forces that surround it.

Oftentimes, we act like mad parents: Choking our ideas, defending them till the ground, then asking ourselves what went wrong when things don’t go our way.

This will happen a lot of times. But instead of being disheartened, can’t we just make a better ad next time? That, after all, is the best revenge.

Anyway – Over lunch today, we also spoke about those little things that make people interesting. I didn’t know that I had such interesting colleagues: We have one guy who’s in the Singapura Everest team, a girl who goes dragonboat racing (almost 3 times a week – early in the morning before work! ), a guy who’s like the king of paper toys, readers of fiction, yoga fans, chronic doodlers – etc.

We have a wealth of interestingness in our halls! And I think that everyone should strive to be interesting in their own ways. We should celebrate our differences and revel in varied types of creativity.

“To me, my white rabbit is the chase of creativity…”

Never stop believing. Never stop chasing after your dreams.

Erykah Badu is so inspiring. I love her music. It’s so happy.

I’ve always found it fascinating – because it sounds like a well wishing done right.

It’s also inspired by my good friend Paul, who’s always been a nice beacon of inspiration for me ever since I had braces. Hahaha.  I remember meeting him in an ‘interaction’ event in school, and immediately liking his quiet demeanor. So, for that – Thank you Paul. Thank you for being a great writer / photographer / theatrea man / friend. Thank you for always been interesting, for introducing me to Neil Gaiman, for being this interesting character always by the sidelines, even though it’s almost physically impossible to see you. I miss you even more that you’re now in the city of dreams, working in theatre.

Speaking of living in interesting times.. I’ve been up to a LOT of interesting things lately. I’ve taken that advise to heart, and made smart use of my time to adventure, to discover, to love.

At the Marina Bay Sands - iLight exhibition

Ever so often, you come across your day to day life, and find that the most special days are the ones where ordinarily mundane things excite you again. I was delighted when I saw the light show, especially because of our little discovery:  Nuggets of artworks tucked in a corner room just off Marina Bay. Imagine – a plethora of art work from the 1960’s right under our noses! And there were no signboards, no pretentious art gallery staff, just this volunteer handing over a flashlight to discover what lies in store.  I was floored. FLOORED.

Upon reading a few  chapters of  “Ways of Seeing”, I’ve undoubtedly changed the way I’ve perceived art. Now, actively, I evaluate art as a different person, because of consciously examining the context by which I take it all in. Is that a bad thing? Is it a good thing? I guess I’ll never know.

Reading that book is especially useful for exhibits like the Andy Warhol show – Because, intrinsically, sometimes the actual effort afforded by each art piece is far inferior than the actual meanings they possess. It keeps me awake at night just thinking about it.  Thinking about: The worlds of possibility in an art piece. The meanings they possess. The statements that such an act is strewn with. Could art potentially be just an experience in itself, a hollow metaphor for imagination that you can’t quite convey to others? I’ll never know.

I’ve also discovered Mia Nolting’s portfolio recently, and her superbly charming Book of Lists.

I love how raw and unfiltered these lists are.  I’d like to think that my lists would probably be a cross between her honesty and Marc John’s sillyness and humour, but I’m not quite too sure.  I guess people make lists in order to remind themselves of things – But people rarely make lists of things that are ‘essential’ – Such as infinity vs finity, things you regret saying, things you wish to do before you die, etc. I think only artists are drawn to such pontification, but even then – Don’t we all need it to nourish our experiences here on earth? Don’t we all need it to ground ourselves, somehow – and remind ourselves not to detract from our goals?

I’m crossing my fingers over the things I have no control over, and well wishing that times may be as interesting as they can be.

I miss my sketchpad. I should draw something. Soon.
(no, not the silly app. I’m putting up my fences of resistance).

There are days when I just want to hug the universe. This is one of those days.

Bonus: They sound like really cool folks.

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ONE OF THE THOUGHTS THAT CAME TO MIND LATELY:
is how people are so detached from the actual process of changing, that they just wake up one day and realise that they’re a completely different person. And then they have to try and come to terms with this, by virtue of creating fictional scenarios in their head ( ie. If I met myself in a party, would I like this person?), or try to justify it ( ie. This change has been a long time coming) or deny the instance of change, however apparent it is.

HOW I FOUND OUT:
i realised I was changing because all of a sudden I’m not a morning person anymore (not quite the sharp shooter who wakes up at 6AM to have the breakfast of champions), all of a sudden I’m like crazy over jazz music ( not so much the hippie, alternative, indie stuff ) , and I now cannot fathom the idea of dancing the night away clubbing till the wee hours of the morning (like I used to.) I’ve also moved away from the goldfish mentality of being fixated with old practices and finding them fascinating over and over again, without realising that it’s the same darn plastic castle. ( Oh hey, a metaphor!)

AT THE SAME TIME…
there will always be things that remain the same. things like, sometimes I tend to overreact and sweat the small stuff instead of focusing on the bigger picture, my undeniable love affair with chocolate, little quirks and idiosyncrasies that define Camille.

MY THOUGHTS LAST NIGHT..
was centered around how Dave Gamache said that “What you did yesterday, determines what you’re doing today, which defines who you are tomorrow. ” — Quite poetically, it underlines the thought that if we want to start something, then we should start now. Thus, i should find a way to navigate my own consciousness and set concrete milestones ( 3 things that I want to do – ie. 3 drawings a week, try to visit church, cook on Saturdays, perhaps? ) and stick with it.

however, I realise that I’m really horrible with goal setting. the word “objective” wigs me out , because my life ain’t a project- it’s more of a party. it’s a bowl of chex mix, and not a set entre. so again, the operative word here being “to try” is important. Perhaps I should devise a clever reward system of sorts. Or hire my own drill sergeant.

WE’LL SEE HOW THIS GOES.
This week has my name written on it. I want to own it.

Almost all Beatles songs make me smile. Including the less popular ones.

I was just thinking about the act of doing silly things, and how some people simply manage to pull everything off in a way that seems so alien to you. Like how for instance, some people manage to : wear a hippie looking outfit, put on purple lipstick, dye their hair pink, or dance in public in a sea of aunties. I’m not saying that these are things we should do every day – but it is indeed refreshing to meet so many people who reinvent themselves mercilessly and live every moment.

Have I told you about Verne? She’s a freelancer I’ve met before, who has continually kept on inspiring people around her. At one point in time, during a past conversation we’ve had, she says “Once upon a time, I was actually a gardener at the park, because I wanted to figure out how that felt.”

Imagine that! Isn’t it refreshing to do things that you’re ultimately curious about – not knowing what to expect? And her take away? That gardening isn’t as easy and as simple as it sounds. And that there’s a lot of commitment in the area of horticulture.

This short anecdote illustrates that – time and time again, It is never too late. It’s never too late to try things, take risks, create happy memories. The most interesting people I’ve ever met has lived up to this mantra. To this date, Verne has tried horsebackriding in Bukit Timah, is a certified yoga master of sorts, has travelled with her happiness and her backpack – all to follow the path of her dreams.

So in the spirit of reinventing one’s self – I have imposed a pirate day yesterday. For a whole day at work, I donned a bandanna. It’s a shame that I wasn’t able to take any photos – But to be perfectly fair, we were buzzed at work the whole day – So we were all up to our elbows with meetings and stuff.

My findings for that day is astounding : That sometimes your outer appearance affects your daily mood, and colour does changes perspectives. ( at least for me. I know this is not factually accurate for all). I guess since we maintain creative control over our inner workings / inner world, this also affects how we perceive and interact with the world.

John still chirped “Nice hat!” though. But that might be a british thing. Maybe they don’t have wild hippie bandannas from his side of the planet.

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