It’s that time of the year again folks! One more year wiser, one more year older.
I don’t know whats up with birthdays. Sometimes I go marvel at the happy things to be grateful for, but sometimes it’s tempered by this sort of existentialist distress, a feeling of finity, a yearning for a pause button, a reminder of personal humanity that will one day end.
Okay, setting these things aside, I REALLY am grateful to turn 28. Even more so grateful at the fact that I don’t physically feel 28. I feel like I’m perpetually in this zone of growing up. I’d like to think about it as building your own “ness” , my Camille-ness is being honed and tested constantly, and I could not help but feel overwhelmed and grateful for that.
I remember him asking me about this drawing. He seems so puzzled by it. He says “Is that me? With the hair and all??!!!”
All I’m saying in the drawing is that I hope that I don’t lose the things that make me – “me”. I wish to hold on to all of the things I’m passionate with, even when we grow up. All too often I’ve seen people grow up and seem as though they’ve swallowed a bitter pill – They’re never awkward anymore, they’re never silly anymore, and all they seem to do is worry. I don’t want to worry. This is what I take comfort in when I think of my freedoms, the freedoms that I’ve fought so hard to get.
Again, like as any birthday post, I’m here to recount some stuff that I’ve learned this year.
1)There’s no day offs for good behaviour. – And conversely, there’s no excuse for bad behaviour. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even if you’re tired and cranky. When you find yourself becoming this person that you refuse to hang out with, then that’s a clear sign that you need a break. Breathe.
2)My parents are getting older, and this pains me – Thinking that your parents will NEVER grow old is a fallacy. And the sooner you accept this, the sooner you’ll evaluate things differently. I’ve realised how much I missed them after being apart for several months now. As compared to my first year in Singapore, I’ve grown more and more distant to them, which needs to change NOW. Okay mom, I’ll call you and the phone, and let’s talk seriously about knitting or whatever it is that you’re doing. I just want you to know that I still care for you and someone still thinks about you. My dad called me earlier and asks me what happened to his little girl, why am I so grown up all of a sudden? – All I could do was reassure him that I haven’t changed one bit =) That I’m still the same kid he used to put socks on in the mornings before heading to work.
3)At around this time, I should have found my life’s work. – Okay, admittedly, nobody really thought I’ll be in advertising for this long, and nobody really thought that I’ll make a career out of doing stuff with the internet. To other people it’s finance or law or medicine – For me I thrive on art, and creating digital work that is kick ass. Yes, I want to click it. Yes, I’d love to “make love to that button” (as an old CD used to say)
4)All financial stresses have gains elsewhere. – Sure, I might have spent so much $$ on travel, but the experiences from these travels really help alleviate stress. And they make me an overall-more-interesting-person. So yeah, I haven’t saved up as much as I wanted, but so what.
5)(Related to #4) You’re broke. So what. – Now that I’ve been stripped off a lot of unnecessary things, I’ve come to read more books, spend more time connecting with friends, etc. Poverty is the creative currency.
And that’s it folks ~ Happy Friday!!~